Have you ever had great news, an idea you were super excited about, or just wanted to share something enjoyable, and then told someone only to walk away from the conversation feeling let down, unsettled, or second guessing your idea? Don’t feel alone. We’ve all been there. And, if I had to make a guess, I’d say we’ve all been there more than once and will be there again at some point in the near future. It isn’t you.
I swear it isn’t you.
Allow me to tell you what has just happened to you. You’ve just encountered a Psychic Vampire, a.k.a: Creative Vampire, Emotional Vampire. Energy Sucker, Etc... They come with many titles and are nasty creatures disguised as acquaintances, friends, family, or someone important to you who usually can’t help what they are doing to you.
What is a psychic vampire, you ask? They are the people that literally suck the joy out of other people’s life. You have those that do it on purpose, and honestly there is nothing you can do to save them. With these types of Psychic Vampires you have only one course of action. Get rid of them! Extract them from your life as fast as possible. They are a cancer and must be dealt with as such. Not matter how painful it might be at the time of annihilation.
However, you do have another type of Psychic Vampire, and it is important to be able to tell the two apart. These sad people mostly don’t realize what they are doing. Some of their statements can be disguised as trying to be helpful, keeping it real, or playing devil’s advocate. They honestly believe they are in your corner and want to protect you from being let down and/or hurt. They don’t really mean to suck your energy dry. They truly can’t help it. What is really going on? Well, I've found these people have never had the guts, or maybe the support, to go after their own dreams. Or, they have and failed, and then were too scared to try again. These types of Psychic Vampires can be helped, retrained, defeated; but you have to be willing to do the work to save them. And it is a lot of work. Trust me.
When encountering a Psychic Vampire, I’d usually say pity these people and move on, but I know you won’t because 9 times out of 10 these Psychic Vampires are close to you. A best friend. A parent. A sibling. Someone that is important to you on some emotional level that won’t allow you to kick their negative butt to the curb and out of your life. So what do you do with those who repeatedly suck the enjoyment out of anything and everything good in your life?
I wish I had a quick and easy answer for you, but I don’t. It will take a lot of work on your behalf. You will continue to have that let down feeling when dealing with them, at least until they get the point of being cured. And you have to stand firm and let them know you won’t put up with them raining on your parade any longer. And, unfortunately, you might even lose a few of them to the sickness. But, I’m here to tell you, you can turn things around, keep most of them in your life, and both of you will be better for it.
Here are a few steps that have worked for me. This is not a guarantee and you will probably have to adjust where needed to get the results you want, because everyone is different and won’t respond to the same positive energy. But, when you greet your Psychic Vampire all happy and brimming with great news give a version of these steps a try.
· The first thing you are going to want to do is calm down enough to tell them you have news you want to share. Say something like, “I have exciting news. Now I know you want to protect me. I know you care about me, but if you could just take a moment and process before you say anything, I’d really appreciate it.”
Hold on, you aren’t ready to tell them anything positive yet. They still need to get their own psyche ready for processing and being positive. Briefly pause and allow them the time they need to prepare for your news.
· The next thing you are going to want to do is rate what this news means to you. Start by reinforcing the emotional response you want from them. “Now that you are ready to be happy for me, I’d like to tell you this news is an 8 on my happiness scale. So don’t let me down, friend. This is big.”
(If your news is higher or lower adjust accordingly)
You’re almost there, don’t give up!
· Now you want to gauge their receptiveness to your news. “How do you feel about hearing what I have to say and being positive?” Because, let’s face it something might be going on in their own life that will block your great news and revert them back to being the full on energy sucker they have a tendency to be.
You’re most likely to be given a scathing look, a smartass or quippy comment, but hang tough. This is your happy news. This is your moment to shine. This is something that is about to blow the lid off your happiness meter and bring you to another level. You don’t want to give that up, and you don’t want to experience it without your Vampire by your side. Like I said, a lot of work on your part to get the result you want.
· Once you have them in your realm of receptiveness, positivity, and/or happiness you are ready to tell them your great news. Be sure you don’t lose your momentum or your own excitement while you are walking your Psychic Vampire through the process of being happy for you. Now you can tell them your news. "I just published my first book! Isn't that great?!?" (That was one of my personal announcements that my Psychic Vampires sucked the joy out of. But, I didn't let them have all my joy. I even went on to publish 3 more books and am working on my 5th. So you see you can survive them.)
Remember, this is not a onetime process. You will have to do this over and over and over with your Psychic Vampire until you train them to accept with joy and not negativity. To be perfectly honest with you, it will probably take years to get them to the point where you can rush up to them and explode with glee without doing the walk through, but it is so worth it if the person is important to you. It’s also worth it because you have just defeated a Psychic Vampire for the world.
When someone sees their negativity without condemnation, judgment, or sarcasm they are more likely to change their outlook and the way they perceive things. And won’t it be a Blessed Day when your Psychic Vampire comes to you with joyful news of their own? Won’t you be thrilled to have been a part of their journey of becoming positive? Happy? And Healthy? Because if the psyche is damaged, broken or in need of an infusion of joy, then a person cannot truly be any of those things.
Lessons for the day: Be wary of Psychic Vampires. Don’t let them suck away all your positive energy and joy. Be careful in deciding which energy vampire to keep. Be prepared to do the work needed. And, DO NOT lose your positivity while dealing with them, after all this is about your joy, you great news. This about YOU!
Until next time.